torn__rose

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 05:03:58 GMT

how is it i even feel lonely in my own journal
anyway i just thought that i am living a sad life when i get an open ended question of who do you find expceptional in your life nad i have nobody to answer that with
sad.pathetic.

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:24:15 GMT

I may not write in here often but its only because nobody reads it anymore nad i kind of lost contact with most of you. Really that makes me sad so talk to me :]

On another note the true reason i am posting is because in less that 48 hours i will be on my way to JAPAN!!!
I am going for two weeks to hang out with my sister and just get away. So in exactly 43 hours i will begin flying on route to JAPAN.

OSAKA AND TOKYO HERE I COME :}

Sun, 13 May 2007 20:47:18 GMT

I know that I have not updated in a while, but I almost feel like nobody is really out there anymore. I don’t know.

Thursday I went down to pizza works for the game with matt and Andy and Bryant. They picked me up and locked me in the car and were going to smoke while driving and I had to be part of it blah blah blah but I had an ap the next morning and said no. Then when Andy pulled out all the pot he had so fucking much but when he pulled it out there was a drug test guy in the car next to us and he saw it so we were all like fuck were screwed right now and sped to the pizza place which we were really close to at that time. Nothing happened but I made the boys drop me off and while they were in the woods smoking I bought them the food that they wanted. It was an interesting night. I left the place at like 8:30 though because I wanted to get rest before my exam the next day. I don’t know I have wanted to smoke and stuff for so long but now that I was put in the situation where it was open and available for me to I don’t really care to anymore. It’s like okay yes I can now but I don't want to, plus the boys are pushing it too much, which puts me off more and more. I don’t know I juts don’t know if I want to get into that scene right before the end of the year and all that with so much riding on everything right now. This summer will be a summer of change though and I can almost guarantee I will be doing a lot more this summer. Plus my older sister is home so her and I will be connected and chill a lot and she smokes and drinks and stuff so who know what will happen.

Yesterday I had people over to talk about prom plans and then we all went to pizza works and watched the game. There were probably 15 of us there hanging out. It was fun!

My prom is Friday I am very excited but I weighed myself this morning and I am fucking huge. I had no idea I gained weight, and it pisses me off because i have been working out a bunch and gained weight. Anyway my plan for this week is a 90-calorie smoothie for breakfast, crystal light for lunch and then eat as little for dinner as possible or skip it all together if possible. I am hoping to also loose water weight so I am not bloated at all prom night.

I need to kick my ass in gear and I suck majorly right now. Anyway today is mother’s day and I gave my mom her gift and al and then we went to my grandparent’s house with the family. It was nice now I am jut relaxing doing HW and then tomorrow back to school.

Hopefully I will begin to update more and comment more since I have been really slacking. Though watch out for an entry telling you what journal I switched to because i feel like a need a fresh start and all that so I am thinking of a good name that means something and then I will switch over

<3loves<3

Justine

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 21:33:26 GMT

FUCKING EXCITED!!!!
July 17th 2007
Madison Square Garden
Dispatch Re-unite

whos going?
justine and her sister<3<3

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 02:31:35 GMT

Post it anonymously.
Tell me:

a truth:
a wish:
a fantasy:
a secret:
a compliment:
a love note:
a song:
a hint to who you are:

i love these
i cant explain my feelings right now i am a bit of everything so i am skipping a post today but people doing this survey would make me smile plus i love these things:]

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 18:11:25 GMT

she is fucking leaving again
and this time i get a weeks notice
no hey i am leaving next week
i got a your friend has to get me my clothes this week i wont be here any longer

fuck everyone

newt or salamander?...its reg its a newt

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 19:51:26 GMT

10 W0RDS TO DESCRIBE Y0U
01. Short
02. thoughtful
03. Moody
04. Creative
05. ugly
06. athlertic
07. Studious
08. friendly
09. Funny-- sometimes though i never actually try
010. random

9 REALLY C00L PE0PLE Y0U KN0W
01. zach
02. sicong
03. karianne
04. alie
05. allie
06. ris
07. Hannah
08. michelle
09. Laura

8 FUN PLACES T0 G0
01. outside
02. Beach
03. shopping
04. any sports playing field
05. at a friends houe
06. Movies
07. bowling
08. spa--have never been there but it probably is fun adn amazing and peaceful

7 CDS Y0U 0WN
01. Dispathc
02. goo goo dolls<3<3
03. Alanis morisette
04. Carrie underwood
05. Pink
06. Joss Stone
07. janis Joplin

6 B00KS Y0U HAVE READ
01. Tuesdays with Morrie<3<3
02. M or F
03. The wish list
04. Icy Sparks
05. sll g-g and a-list
06. sll harry Potter

5 TV SH0WS YOU LIKE
01. amazing race
02. Miami ink
03. ANTM
04. The oc
05. One Tree Hill

4 THINGS YOU THINK ABOUT EVERYDAY
01. food ;/
02. people
03. myself
04. what i am doing the next day

3 THINGS Y0U CAN D0
01. play sports
02. talk
03. screw everything up in a matter of seconds

2 PE0PLE Y0U TRUST WITH Y0UR LIFE
01. honestly
02. i dont think anybody to many broken promises backstabbers bitches and life ruiners :[

1 OF Y0UR NICKNAMES
01. Becca

... I have no friends.

Wed, 24 May 2006 01:54:29 GMT

Things are going bad
very bad
sadly nothing good to report
i bought jeans to bad they are size obese:/

Sat, 13 May 2006 21:50:19 GMT

today i hit a wall
i reflected on everything i did this year
and i hate myself for all of it
i would take all of it back for anything
all i want is for everything to be okay
for me to not have to worry
ever ever
i want to feel like a kid
not a replacement
not a fake
not a screw up
just a person
maybe not even a kid just somebody who is not so invisible
somebody not so ashamed of who they are
somebody who can speak up
somebody who knows what to say in a situation
somebody who is not just good at helping everyone else live good lives
but can actually live one for herslef
i sound like i want a lot
i dont i just want simple stuff
i want people back
i dont want to feel like a failure everyday because of one thing or another
i would rather be fat and happy
than tiny and hate everything about me
hate for myself makes me hate everything else

seriously i dont have control of anything at all anymore

say it will be okay someday tell me i will be okay but i wont believe it

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 19:25:53 GMT

I said i would do a picture post so i probably should. I cant right now though since i have loads of hw to do and i must finish it in order to do anything that i had planned. Anyway i got my hair cut yesterday. Before it was super long and straight pretty damn boring if i may add but it was so pretty and long but i have wanted a haircut for a while since i was getting so bored with it. So yesterday my mom suprised my sister and i and let us get it cut so now my hair is about 4-5 inches shorter and i got some layers and i got these bangs, they go off to the side but do cover most of my forehead. I have not taken any pictures of it yet but i will today and then somtime today or tomorrow i will post pictures. I cant type anymore for now but i have a lot to talk about since this break has actually been pretty fun and probably one of the best breaks i have had. I feel a bit more free now :] more in charge of me but still ugly the only downfall oh well

<3
justine rebecca

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 23:47:28 GMT

im bakc if anyone cares
i dont feel like posting right now

basically boston was amazing and i had fun

i wish i was still there

i wish some people would die and others would just love me for me

<3
justine rebecca

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 23:27:03 GMT

So Boston is in five days:) I leave friday morning at 5 and i am phsyed! My mom just sat me down tot alk about the trip and she is giving me $75 to rbing with me to pay for meals and then whatever is left over i can use on whatever. I did actually save up $90 on my own adn i am still taking that but since my dad payed for the tip she felt that i should get some money from her. Also since she saw that i put in an effort adn was not banking on her to giev me money she though i deserved it. So now i have about $160 to bring with me and that will be plenty!! She is thinking though instead of giving me cash she is going to put $75 on a credit card and then that is the balance adn so i just carry that around instead of actual cash that is more liable for me to loose. I amexcited though my mom is almost done making my bag i will take pictures of it when she is donem its so pretty!!!! Well read on loves<3

Type your cut contents here.

Read this, it was not written by me but i will explain after you are done reading....

We loose touch with peolpe
we were once close with.

We forget 'inside jokes'.
And our "BFF" turn into acquaintances.

The people we once were 'in love with',
become a vague memory.

And with every day that goes by,
we allow ourselves to drift more and more apart.

Then there's that day you try to talk
to each other, after months of not talking.
Saying 'i miss you, we need to hang out,'
then never actually doing it.
"We've drifted apart", because
an anthem for teenagers.

We never realize how much we miss someone,
until we look back at the pictures,
go to the places where we spent
days together in the summer.
Look at old live journal entries.

You hear someone talking about them,
and want to stand up for them,
but hesitate and agree.

We talk about how we dislike them
when really, we just miss them.
We hate 'how they've changed.'

We watch them live their lives without us,
in disgust, in envy, in anger.

We take note primarily on the negative
things they have done.

It's all so dumb.
So much time spent
dwelling over other people,
who are no longer a part of our lives.

The fact of the matter is,
if we were meant to be friends,
we wouldn't have allowed each other
to drift apart.

You were a big part of my life.
Now you're not.
It sucks,
but that's life.

I like re-igniting friendships,
But for the most part, when the flames out
it can't be re-lit.

I don't expect to walk out of highschool
with all the friends I have now.
that would be naive.
There's no telling what the future
has in hand for us.

All I have is the present,
the past is long gone, and
the future is too far away.

So this was written by a girl Jessica and she wrote it as a blog on her myspace. You see we used to talk and stuff but we each went different ways no big deal we still talk sometimes but the thing is in a wierd way i look up to her. She is super pretty, has her own style, but looks completely normal, everyone loves her, and she always knows exactly what to say. She always writes exactly what i am thinking and i could try 5 billion times and write a million jounral entries on friends but never could i sum things up like she does. I try so hard to say what i want to say but i always end up moving it towards one specific person or if i dont people take it as its all about them. Basically this summed up everything i felt about friendship and more, you dont need to know about jess but basically she is a cool girl and i wanted ot make it known that i did not write this.
Honestly though when you read this and truely think about it its all true and i love that.

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 23:17:21 GMT

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

ah i am listening to music but i find myself not being able to just listen to the music i have to dipict the certain lyrics and soak them in and really think about them. Its nice though because i find out reall meaningful songs this way but ah there are not enough hours in the day to listen to music, and i cant keep up with all the new bands that is why i stick to the bands i love and then i listen to the common songs on the radio. People say they love music but not even half of them really think about the songs, maybe you should not think about music so much but i just do. I cant sing but i sing anyway i feel so expressive when i do.

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 20:23:54 GMT

Ah right now I am working on earth science homework blah it sucks. This lab/homework counts as a test grade and my grade s currently a 78 so I need to get it up or else I am dead by my parent. I just looked at my past grades and so far in high school I have never gotten below and 83 so I can’t get lower than that now or else my parents will bring that up. Well whatever I will somehow finish this and make sure it sounds good get a good grade and then hopefully it will raise my grade. So in about 15 minutes I am going ove to my clarinet section leaders house and the whole clarinet section for the wind ensemble, there are nine of us, are going to tie-dye shirts. They are for our tour to boston which I leave for in 12 days I believe. Anyway we are dying them today and then tomorrow we are going back to her house and ironing on the letters, but first we ahev to figure out what it should say. We don’t want o put something gay on it we want to think of something good where we can wear it again and not be embarrassed lol I hope they turn out good! Well I have to finish this homework get ready and leave I hope all you chicas are doing well!

<3
Justine Rebecca

p.s. I got to go to the gym today I am going tomorrow and then Wednesday and then Friday I have off of school so I might spend many hours at the gym doing classes ans then working out. I love working out it takes my stress level down.

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 02:24:56 GMT

:this is the start of something new : sorry i had the lyrics stuck in my head needed to write them down and remember to look them up later

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 03:51:49 GMT

fuck it
you think i am happy
when i really am not
you think i am fine
when everything is worse
you think i am getting better
when i hate myself even more
you think i am stable
when i am crumbling to pieces
if you only you could know
what is going on with me
and its my fault to let it happen
so go on and fuck it
fuck anything i ever said to you
you were transparent
everything went right through you
but i saw you as gold
beautiful gold
listening, caring, supportive
when really you just pittied me and said what i wanted to hear
i doubt you ever really thought about anything i said
i will always be the back up one
there to cheer you on
when on the inside i am falling
falling to deep you would never know
falling into a place where i dont even know who i am
not knowing who i should and should not be
i am happy
you question
its like i cant be happy without people asking why i am in a good mood
i thought thats what you all wanted
so i go back to being upset
the normal me
and then people ask me why i have changed
so fuck it all
fuck me ever having a chance
fuck anything anyone said that they cared about
they are all liars the world is a lie
no one cares
its every man for themself
so take life and learn to get through it yourself
because as much as you think someone is there
your wrong
it hurts and all you do is continue to get crushed
so why deal with it
i have had my share of pain
i give myself a hard time as it is
i dont need all you little liars
to help me
i am alone
i stand alone
and forever will
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is an origional poem i wrote spurr of the moment. It started off as a one liner that i was going to explain but turned into a ball of my emotions. Thats all. I really needed to get it all out thanks for reading, and if you got through it all god bless you because its probably the worst piece of writing you will hear in your life.

hope you are all doing better than me
<3
justine rebecca

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 23:43:36 GMT

my livejournal is now friends only just to tell everyone